New Year, Same Me

Happy almost New Year!

I don’t really make resolutions. I honestly think they’re silly. Keep making your ads though, Planet Fitness, I’m sure someone else in this country will buy it.

Instead of focusing on all the negative about myself(theres a lot), I’m just going to focus on all the things I’m thankful for.

First, my family. My daughter and my son have really become the best, shitty friends to each other I could have hoped for. I don’t understand the sibling rivalry because I’ve never had one to rival with. But the pettiness is honestly laughable and simultaneously provides me with constant frustration. My daughter is in the slapping phase. So she can dish it out, but she certainly cannot take it.

Second, my health. Shit has been all over the place lately but somehow my health, and the health of my kids, have been good this year. In past years, I suffered with chronic pain, back problems, rheumatism, dental woes, and blurry vision. Obviously my eyes aren’t getting better any time soon, but many of the things on this list haven’t been a bother this year.

And third, my journey. This is the sappy one. This is the part that I have a hard time being thankful for most days. This is the one that scares me and excites me all at once. In a few short months, we will be selling our first home in San Diego, California and moving across the country to Traverse City, Michigan. Most people have mixed views on this. People from San Diego meet this news with criticism about the weather in Michigan. Actually, people from Michigan talk shit about the weather in Traverse City as well. But they also talk about the city’s beauty. And if there’s one thing that people in Michigan hate more than the snow, its California. In general, people have mixed feelings about our next move.

As the mover, this puts a lot on me. I have to create my own enthusiasm- not just for me, but for my kids. They have never endured a Michigan winter and have had very few run ins with snow. What Michigan offers in plenty during the spring and summer, it takes away completely in the winter.

In short, 2020 will be a year full of risks- much like the rest of our years have been. In 2019, my husband and I decided to rekindle our faith. I’m not sure if Ben ever had any, but I had stopped feeding my relationship with God long ago. It’s something I don’t necessarily regret but I am happy to have again. There are seasons in everyones lives. I needed to stray from Him to find my way back. And it’s helped me grow tremendously by allowing me to accept the things that I cannot change. I no longer make mountains of my downfalls. I’ve found confidence where I used to pick and scratch myself to pieces.

For these reasons, I do not intend on being “better.” I am not perfect. There’s a lot going on that I wish I could change and decisions I made that I’m not quite 100% sure about. But I’m not starting out my 2020 with regret and self doubt. I’m leaving that in 2019.

✌

A.