Christmas Trees and Credit Card Debt

‘Tis the season, man.

I love it and I hate it. Maybe it’s because this is my first Christmas with two children, but this is NOT my year- ok, let’s be honest, is it ever my year?

Money is always tight in December. I know this is true for everyone, but it gets a lot harder when you add on the heavy expenses of family trips, holiday events, and the ever-growing lists for Santa.

When does it all slow down? Has it gone too far? How much is TOO much?

If you’re asking yourself those questions, the answer is: yes. All of it is too fuckin’ much. All of it is over the top. And you should probably slow your ass down.

Here’s a couple tips on saving money on Christmas this year(Amber style).

1. Give the gift of your children

I mean this literally. Send those monsters to Grandma’s house and leave them there. This is what everyone wants. If you can’t do it because of distance or swine flu or whatever, do the next best thing. Send out their Christmas lists. This costs you nothing and allows you to skimp out on gifts.

You might think this is a dick move but try to remember Christmas for what it used to be. Christmas has exploded with access to online shopping and with that, expectations are unrealistically high.

2. Let that shit sit for a day

If you are an online shopper, take a step back from your cart for a day. Let it sit. Think about it hard before you buy it. It’s time to step away from the stocking stuffer obligation. All you’re doing is buying shitty gifts that no one actually wants. Fuck the bathbombs and the pop sockets. If you really want to spend money on something, try putting that $5-10 in the stocking instead. Money doesn’t replace gift giving, don’t get me wrong. But it’s time to do away with the necessity of it.

3. Spend this time with Family

Family is more important than price tags or pretty Christmas wrapping paper. I’m not talking about your shitbag uncle that falls asleep on the couch after dinner, I’m talking about the people who matter. The ones you go out of your way for and the ones you want to spend the holidays with. Don’t let your relatives bully you into wasting your holiday season arguing over the Trump Impeachment.

4. Recycle your shipping boxes for the love of God and all that is fucking precious to you

Seriously, I’m not going to explain this one but do your part in saving our world. Even if Amazon and Walmart and all the other shitty companies are only contributing to its downward spiral.

It literally wouldn’t be “me” if I didn’t end it on that note.

Happy Everything! Enjoy this guilt, driven season with delight and merriment! Hallelujah.

A.

The End of the World

I knew before the news broke

My lungs had been tight- body aching, sinus pressure

Burning flesh filled the air

The Earth was dying

 

I couldn’t see anything wrong

The air was saturated with dewy condensation

It hung, thick on the dusty horizon

But she was falling

 

My eyes watered

Filled with the invisible smoke

And the crackling of wet leaves

Dehydrating and bursting veins

 

My veins

 

I was not surprised to learn it

My Goddess, brought to her knees

Magdalena was always going to die here

Screaming in the ashes of her greatest trees

– How men crucify their Gods

A.